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I see others speak of allies
daily

of comrades to the underdogs
of assistance to those in need
of compassion and olive branches

I hear talks about privileges

how blessed I am
to be born into an affluent home
to be able to go to college
to afford a job
an apartment
a mobile
all for myself

how lucky I’ve been
to not get beatings from my parents for mistakes
to not get nasty names, “you shouldn’t have been born” phrases
to not fear the dark figure creeping into my room at night
searching
hunting
for vulnerability
for a little girl
all alone
when the rest of the family
rests
oblivious

How lucky,
indeed

How messed up is our society
that invisible wounds are deemed somehow less

I grew up in an invisible, gilded cage
like the invisible electric fence surrounding an estate

learned at an early age
how to read father
every footstep he takes
every eye contact he makes
every gesture
how he puts down the bowl
how he leans the chopsticks against it

trying
failing
bearing the brunt
trying
failing
bearing the brunt
trying again

to gather the clues
breadcrumbs
as to his mood that particular day
to cool off potential conflicts

I watch
every breath he takes
like one would watch a ready-to-charge bull
looking
searching
for that little warning sign
before his temper erupts

he didn’t have to throw stuff
no need for hitting, slapping, pushing, hair-pulling, kicking

the fear
of the explosive temper
keeps me in check

like a burden
all too real to bear
yet leaves no scar
none
unnoticed

The ones in the most pain
are the invisible
they said

What about children of the twilight
of the liminal space
fleeting
transient

whose abuse
leaves no tangible proof
whose pains
are buried deep inside
whose scars
wear an invisibility cloak
whose mental illnesses
don’t manifest
in the form of seizures
wheelchair
any type of physicality at that

What about us
Visible are us
But not our pains


Who are we
we are the visibly privileged
house
laptop
mobile
jewellery
books
air conditioner

the ones whose arms don’t show scars from past cuts
whose appearance is mainstream enough for bigots
whose respectability meets the standardized version of society

the ones in the gilded cage
struggling to fly
but can’t
because they never stretched their wings in the first place
to prepare for a getaway
because they never thought of it

never dared to dream
about something better
crippled
with the fear
the anger
the guilt
for being away
at some land far, far away

never dared to imagine
because
just because

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  1. boredaqua posted this
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New York Film Academy takes a look at gender inequality in film
Courtesy of: New York Film Academy
My Big Five Personality Traits
Percentile
Score
Extraversion2.213
Openness595
Neuroticism1.50
Agreeableness4.851
Conscientiousness2.62

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